GHANA AND EAST AFRICA SAFARI WINTER 2017-2018 – ONE

 

DAY 1. MONDAY 20th NOVEMBER 2017. ACCRA, GHANA

It’s sort of DAY 2 really. Never have I come to Ghana in such a round about route – and seldom arrived this tired. This is my 21st visit to this friendly West African country: a brief stop on my way back to East Africa where my little blue motorbike waits for more abuse and further journeys.

Coming to Ghana via Kenya was just one of those arcane quirks of airline ticketing. My alternative was to fly round trip to Ghana, spend a night or two at home and set off again for a return trip to Kenya. It’s so maddening that return trips cost so much less than multiple-stop flights. The only ‘triangular’ option (UK/ Ghana/ Kenya/ UK) I could find was with Kenya Airways, via their home hub, Nairobi. So overnight I flew to Kenya, spent three hours in the airport and flew on to Accra, my first flight across Africa in all this time, not that it was informative from 36,000 feet. This was the second night I spent crammed incommodiously into an airline seat of dwindling proportions: only last Monday night was spent flying the Atlantic once again. Bristol airport is becoming unpleasantly familiar.

What a relief to get horizontal at last, out in Perry’s western hills’ house, far from the bustle of airports, cities, traffic and noise, even if it does take over an hour of ceaseless city traffic to get there! This city has swollen so much in the years I have known it, suburbs sprawling over the dusty hills far from the centre. There’s been such changes in this land. When I first approached Accra, in early 1987, riding my motorbike from Yorkshire across the ‘bulge’ of Africa, to this place where I met the Atlantic Ocean again, it was described to me as “oh, it’s like a big farmyard!” The roads were potholed, the buildings rough and ready, the streets chaotic, and the air often filled with dust. The people, though, were unlike any I had ever met: they laughed and smiled, were friendly and noisy, colourful and lots of fun. That was the beginning of my love for Africa.

Tonight Accra is busy, modern and has new buildings arising everywhere. Most of the streets are paved, the traffic relatively disciplined, certainly for Africa, and huge strides have been made to clean and order the city. It no longer resembles a farmyard at all. The temperature is a pleasant 31C/86F. We can get within a mile or so of the house on tarred roads now. It used to be a ghastly test of stamina and cars on dust and ruts, bouncing over the degraded roads.

There’s no place for vanity in Africa! Approaching the immigration hall, I was accosted by a short, heavy-set woman, of the sort of square woman that seem reserved for employment in immigration posts the world over. Aggressively, she demanded, “where’s your yellow card?” I had no idea what she wanted and thrust out the passport that was in my hand. She took it and riffled to the personal details, looked briefly and returned in somewhat scornfully with the word: “Huh, aged…!”

It seems she wanted my yellow fever certificate. It is inadvisable for the over 60s to have the live vaccine and it’s a once-in-a-lifetime injection – despite the fact I have had two and only prevented from having a third (to update the ‘old’ certificate that runs out in a month) by the advice of the NHS.

Oh, how I chuckled as I queued for my immigration officer. ‘Aged’!! I SO MUCH enjoy travelling as an older person. Not just because of the yellow fever requirements, but because I can speak with anyone, offer no threat, am generally respected in Africa, considered to have mature opinions (!) and, as a white-bearded ‘old man’ on a motorbike, often beyond the average life expectancy age of countries in which I am riding, have become something of a wonder, an eccentric to be smiled at. But I have to put up with words like ‘aged’!

*

Next to me on the plane from Nairobi, sat a very sexily dressed young woman: tight body stocking with sewn in thigh boots, revealing top and a colourful jacket. She had the figure to do that. I find African women generally so much more attractive than white ones anyway. Apologising for my doziness, I explained that I’d been seven and a half hours on an overnight flight before this six hour flight. “Oh,” she said, “I’ve had a long journey too! I started in Harare.”

“How was Harare?” I asked enthusiastically, it being one of my favourite cities in Africa. In the past week life has been changing in wonderful Zimbabwe. In a very peaceful coup, the ruling party has finally overthrown the old dictator, Mugabe, after 37 years. This is largely because of the ambitions of his inadequate wife (the ‘First Shopper’) whom he was manoeuvring to be his successor, despite her lack of qualification, except a masters’ degree achieved in three months at the University in Harare: ‘coup by marriage certificate’ as it has been described. People back home, knowing my love and respect for Zimbabwe, Africa’s best educated, most cultured country, asked me if Africa would be ‘safe’ to visit (even though I am thousands of miles away). “Of course”, I kept replying, “in fact, I wish I was in Harare to see this! The people are so educated, they know that violence won’t help their situation. You watch, it’ll be a very well organised, well mannered coup. It will be a big party. Most of the country has known no other leader, but the old man has gone too far now, even his military support has turned against his wife as president.”

My neighbour, who hailed from Guinea, smiled widely. “Oh, it was such fun! It was like a huge party! We were dancing in the streets, cheering, singing..!” I was envious. I’d like to have seen this coup! I miss Zimbabwe.

Mugabe, though, doesn’t see that his time is up and he should go quietly into wealthy retirement while he has the option. He is resisting resigning, so impeachment – by his own ruling party – looks to be the only way he’ll go. Whether this quiet coup (naturally, the pictures we see in the Western media concentrate on tanks in the streets) will solve any of that delightful country’s problems, remains to be seen. I will go back next winter.

For now, though, it’s a quick revisit to Ghana. Perry’s eldest son, now working for him in his insurance company in Accra, Philemon, whom I first knew aged about two, collected me from the airport and I dozed a couple of hours in the office until Perry arrived to take care of me – a couple of welcome beers at an outdoor club bar, a Chinese meal at an upmarket city restaurant and the drive home to an empty house out on the quiet western hills, a house I have watched develop over twenty five years, from the lone property in the bush, to a house surrounded by the half finished palaces of ambitious businessmen. As the house grew – as money was available – it filled with young people, the relatives and dependents that aspiring Ghanaian middle class people have to take in. Now the next generation is growing and moving independently, grandchildren arriving and the bungalow, with its five fairly basic bedrooms, is empty again. Perry’s wife, Rose, is away helping a new mother – (young Romannus’s wife) with a newborn and Perry and I have the house to ourselves.

It’s a bit warm and sticky, I am exhausted – but my sixth consecutive winter trip as begun.

DAY 2. TUESDAY 21st NOVEMBER 2017. ACCRA, GHANA

Awaking from a quite warm, fairly sticky night, I realised that I had hardly moved since I fell on the bed. All these long flights take their toll. But I awoke to a hot sunny day and a calm breakfast with Perry, just the two of us rattling in the big bungalow. Some small girl had been in at five to boil water and eggs for our simple breakfast, and long since gone away again. Perry had a meeting until twelve, then, he said, we’d maybe go to the Aburi botanical gardens on the hills north of the city, and visit Anutua, his first-born, now mother of two small boys. On the way out of town we’d buy my air ticket to the north.

Buying said ticket turned out to be less easy than we assumed. First the office was gone; second, no one could tell us where to; third, at the airport, there was no parking available and I had to leg it to the busy office; fourth, having waited in line and ordered my ticket, the airline’s credit card machine only accepted debit cards, entailing a long hot walk down ramps and around car parks to a cash machine where I froze my credit card thanks to bad information on the transaction. Fortunately, I have two cards for just this eventuality, one of the many frustrations of transacting financial business in Africa. Finally, dripping sweat, I had my ticket – about £67 to fly the hour north to Tamale, avoiding probably eight hours on the road. “Oh, you are too hot!” said Perry, “we’d better go for a beer before we set off!”

Well, I guess I knew then that our plans would disintegrate! When sociable Perry meets his tribesmen and women at Maggie’s Place, plans get forgotten. We stayed talking with a cheerful lady, an ambassador for Ghana in Europe and were joined by other ‘big’ people from the northern tribe. I believe one was a brother of the president. Amongst such people, Perry now moves – and does his business. It’s always been an inspiring story, this boy from illiterate parents (but with one of the wisest mothers I ever knew) and humble beginnings in a mud-floored primary school, largely self-educated through his own unswerving determination, and chance and seized opportunities; through various insurance companies, where he rose to MD; to running his own insurance brokerage, catering to the ‘big’ people of Ghana. Soon he turns 60, official retirement age in Ghana and I realised that I have known him just about half his life, for we first met at Christmas 1987, when he became our chance guest for an English Christmas, organised by an old Commonwealth charity, the Victoria League. Certainly a meeting that changed the course of my life, for there the seeds of my involvement with this continent were sown.

So I must settle into a different mode now, African patience; my pace slows and I have to accept a calmer attitude: things take the time they take, credit cards don’t always work and not much goes to any plan I may make.

The ambassador spent half an hour working and communicating with two phones in hand. It’s normal here to share the attention of anyone you are with, with multiple incoming and outgoing calls to people you can’t see, sometimes in languages you don’t understand. It’s risky to start telling any lengthy story, for you are unlikely to complete it! This is the continent of mobile phones, 650 million of them, more than in Europe or North America. My only retaliation would be to buy a wifi connected phone myself: concentrating on a phone is the new convention, whereas taking out my book would be impolite.

As the ambassador completed her calls, she said, “Right, my work is finished, why should I punish myself any longer?” and wrenched her elaborate wig from her head with a sigh. Later, Perry admitted he had been a bit shocked. I suggested he should feel complimented. It’s so confusing for a visitor, this wig business! Doubtless, I will meet her again sometime, probably sporting a totally different look – and inevitably I shall reintroduce myself, to a woman with whom I sat a couple of hours and shared two bottles of wine she had imported…

Later, after we excused ourselves and aborted our visit to Anutua since the traffic by then was its usual early evening chaos (as opposed to the morning, noon and evening chaos), we went quietly to another beer bar, the Prison Service Club, where we drank beer last night. We joined a young woman at a large table, where she was alone. It’s like that in friendly Accra: you can do that sort of thing, and end up in conversation – even to a goodbye hug for me an hour and a half later. Chatty Henrietta is a lawyer, “probably a junior one,” exclaimed Perry somewhat disparagingly some time later, but she was cheerful company and obviously at ease with two strangers, as she began to remove the woven extensions from her hair and drop them in a carrier bag. Two in one evening!

By now – four pints of beer and perhaps a quarter of a bottle of wine inside me, plus a pretty good fish dinner at the first bar – food quality standards are rising fast in the big city as it pretends to a cosmopolitan air – I was wobbly on my feet. I’m still tired of course, from two nights in the air this week. Now we had the hour’s drive back to the hills in still congested traffic. How does Perry still drive so well by this time of day? I’ll never know, but he does.

Whenever I come back to Ghana, I am reminded just what fun the people can be. Meet them with a smile and it is without exception returned. Be it a complete stranger in traffic, one of the legions of salespeople at traffic junctions and lights, children from school, vendors and everyone else: always eye contact and a smile. I love it.

Another remarkable thing, especially bearing in mind that I was in Florida only a week or so ago, is to see people shaped so naturally, the shape that humans were meant to be. Watching the lithe, hardworking Ghanaians, I am struck by how so much of the world has lost the basic shape of their bodies. Here I can SEE bone structure and muscle. It helps that people are relatively scantily clad. Women often wear shape-hugging dresses, and often not a much of them. Men wear shirts and slacks or shorts. Little is left to the imagination beneath layers of voluminous fabric, let alone layers of pendulous fat, as in Florida, where the only shapely people I saw were at a vegan food festival (probably the best advertisement for veganism that I saw). Here in Africa, neatly proportioned bodies, shapely breasts, comely hips, curvaceous bums – and on the men, handsome shoulders and narrow hips. And most have a spring in their step and an easy elegant posture – perhaps it’s the posture that does it, for we have forgotten the importance of standing erect so much – frequently with loads on their heads. As we slow in traffic jams and approaching lights, I watch with amusement the bobbing trays, bowls, bags and bundles of the vendors weave and race between the crowds of waiting cars. For a few minutes, all is shouts and sales pitch, items as diverse as juice and car mats, melted ice cream and dog leads, greasy snacks and decorative fans, wall maps and razors, newspapers and bath towels, all are jiggled at our windows in the hope of a quick sale.

Accra is fun and crazy, a great introduction to sub-Saharan Africa for anyone who’d like it. It is safe, exceptionally friendly and has all the essence of ‘Africa’. In our new ‘review’ culture, I recommend with five stars

DAY 3. WEDNESDAY 22nd NOVEMBER 2017. TAMALE, GHANA

Most of my time in Ghana, which must amount to at least 18 months over thirty years and twenty one visits, is spent in the dry north of the country, up here in and above Tamale. Tamale, the largest northern city, is 400 miles north of Accra on the coast, and Navrongo, the town in Africa that I know best, is another 100 miles further north, almost on the border of this rather rectangular land. Rectangular, of course, in memory of the arrogance of the white man and the carving up of Africa into colonial parcels in the great competition that usurped every indigenous culture for thousands of miles in every direction from here, and the cause of so many of Africa’s modern day ills, for those arbitrary lines split tribes apart, favoured one tribe above another and created unrest that has lasted for over a hundred and fifty years on this beleaguered continent. Such internal tribal wrangling created hierarchies and jealousies that still tear apart these countries. Tribalism only recedes slowly: I still see it all around me on my journeys, in the favouring of tribal brothers and sisters in the work place, politics, business and in the residue of distrust as I move between district loyalties. Very slowly, particularly in a well adjusted country like this, the ‘Father of Africa’, as Ghana likes to think of itself, allegiances are converting to political parties and tribalism is just a little less important, still existing through language and culture, of course, and through preference in employment and so forth, but I notice some more mixing of marriages in modern times: family ties that will break down the tribal order in time.

Ghana is fortunate: it was the first African nation to become independent of its colonial shackles in 1957, through the efforts of the revered Kwame Nkrumah and his colleagues. I’ve always maintained that that is the reason that Ghana has high self respect and a strong ‘Ghanaian’ culture: most Ghanaians’ first allegiance is to the country, with their tribe a definite second. It may well be the reason that Ghana is so much more stable than much of Africa: their national pride, their identity is so strong. They have become a peaceful nation, well respected in the world. It’s no coincidence that Barack Obama visited Ghana as his first African country, or that Bill Clinton was the first American president to set foot in sub-Saharan Africa in Accra (!), even that there’s a George Bush highway in Accra (not many of THOSE about the world) in commemoration of his visit too. Barack Obama stood in Parliament House and addressed Africa. He said that other African nations should take a look at Ghana and learn. He stood at the podium, while behind him sat the ruling president and three former presidents – all of them still living in Ghana, not exiled and hugging Swiss bank accounts. Only today, the Ghanaian president addressed African heads of state in London, saying that up to £10 billion of aid and development money was being corruptly diverted by officials across the continent every year, without which criminal activity Africa, with its wealth of resources, would not even need the help of the outside world.

On which note, I must be happy for Zimbabwe, for the 37 year tyrant finally ‘resigned’ from power today, to save his face and probably many of his millions of corrupt wealth as impeachment was begun in Harare by his own party. The fact of Grace Mugabe being lined up for the next president was just a step too far for Zimbabweans. The removal of the Mugabe family may not solve their problems – the military and the ruling party still have a lot of power – but it opens the doors to new horizons, watched carefully by the world, following one of the most well mannered, well planned peaceful coups in modern African history. Well done Zimbabwe!

*

“The temperature at Tamale is a little hotter than Accra, at 38 degrees,” the pilot informed us as our small jet, only three seats wide, descended over the red dust and dry scrub of this northern area. The city – not a favourite of mine; I only come to visit my ‘son’, Dennis and to meet my new ‘grandson’, Hezekiah, Heze for short, it seems. Of course, I’d come to visit my cheerful, generous ‘sister’ Gladys too, and now Dennis’s delightful wife, Emmanuella. Nothing else about this grubby, dusty, busy, predominantly Moslem (only about 20% of Ghana is Moslem) small city attracts me.

Charming, loquacious Dennis , who looks upon me as his father and mentor, was waving widely from the airport perimeter, his real father, with whom relations have always been strained – the reason for the estrangement being that Dennis is so like his ebullient mother and grandmother and Frank is a dour, rather critical character who sees their generous cheer as trivial and beneath their (his) dignity, without recognising their extreme popularity amongst all their wide circles. Both Dennis and Gladys have that instinctive integrity that is of such value and a somewhat uncommon virtue.

Frank now has a car (nowhere much to go in it, except church (a mile away) on Sundays, but it is a Ghanaian symbol of success these days, surpassing the bicycle of the 90s and the mopeds of the 2000s. There is no hope for the planet…). Back at the increasingly fine bungalow, sister Gladys ran in excited greeting, attacking like a bull in a giant hug, dancing and exclaiming. Little Heze, shy of the strange white man, watched intrigued. He’s a delight, an engaging, active, cheerful child of 20 months, old enough to be interesting to his not-very-baby-oriented white ‘grandfather’. Doubtless, by tomorrow he will overcome his shyness. Emmanuella is back at her studies, training towards a masters’ in midwifery here in Tamale. Dennis is a teacher, now progressing to teach in JSS. They have a rented home a mile or two from Gladys’ house. ‘As befitting my status’, I am to stay at the family house, where a bed had to be bought before my last visit, especially for me, despite the fact that I’d be equally – if not more – comfortable on a mattress on the floor…

Ghana is certainly moving forward. There’s so much new building and so many new roads, dozens of times more cars, endless traffic; there’s a new smartness visible: the country has been cleaned up since even my last visit two and a half years ago. The acres of rubbish and litter, the plastic and mess is largely gone or going, people look more prosperous, the environment a trifle more cared for. As everywhere else, this economy is difficult for young graduates; employment prospects narrow for the increasing numbers of well educated young people. Ghana has long been a pretty equal country, insofar as any African country really respects the overworked, undervalued female population. Women occupy positions of power and enjoy tertiary education, and have relatively equal rights – while at the same time, of course, bringing up the children, keeping house, washing, harvesting and all the other things that basically lazy African men consider beneath them.

DAY 4. THURSDAY 23rd NOVEMBER 2017. TAMALE, GHANA

Every time I go away, I forget just how improbably HOT the north of Ghana can be. The day was a little cooled by a thin cloud layer, but at night, when the electricity dies in not infrequent power cuts in the early hours, I am left in a muck sweat on top if the bed, at which time all the mosquito bites of the evening warm up and torment in a slow agony. But this is how so much of Africa lives: the water supply came on briefly around 2.00am and I heard Gladys get up to fill buckets for the day. “Those who overslept and stayed on bed, they will have no water!” she exclaimed as she cooked breakfast. At least she enjoys tap water here. It’s not so common… These days, in so many African countries I visit – and doubtless all the rest – demand far outstrips supply for the basic utilities. Generation of power, here in Ghana, used to come from the Akosombo Dam, the biggest earth dam in Africa, that encloses an expansive lake and was foresightedly constructed by the first post-colonial government. But now, countries upstream on the Volta Rivers have built their own dams at the same time that demand is ballooning, for now electricity reaches much of the country and everyone has been made dependent on power. In the late 80s electricity ran for just a few hours, from dusk until eleven, it was in Navrongo, I remember. The local diesel-fuelled generator roared away up the Hospital Road, and at 11.00 we were cast into (what I saw as) thankful peace and blissfully dark darkness, when the stars exploded above. It’s not like that any more… Perhaps that is really the STORY of my travels and acceptance in Navrongo – the incredible changes I have seen.

Some of them have brought good to the populous, but the baby went with the bath water and the erasing of the old culture, which placed its values on mutual support and a light ecological footprint, is to the detriment of the world. So much was good – along with plenty of ignorance, I must admit. The headlong race for change and aping the materialism of the West has brought many social and environmental problems. But this is life. We race towards the apparent riches without assessing the hidden costs. I am almost apprehensive to see Navrongo, a place that meant so much to me, for I know I will hardly recognise the place again. I am sure I have witnessed the biggest cultural changes in northern Ghana of the past several centuries in my 30 years’ of visits. I put it as high as that.

*

We visited Dennis’s school, where he now teaches computer technology and literacy in a poor, predominantly Moslem school, where most of the students today seemed to be girls. Ghana is officially a Christian country, so school time complies with the working week and teachers can be of other faiths. The school is poor, set in a dusty part of the sprawl of ‘suburbs’ beside a small mosque. Classrooms are standard government issue, basic block and tin-roofed rooms with plastered blackboards. Dennis considers himself fortunate to have five fairly elderly computers with which to teach. His colleagues gather beneath a tree between the two blocks at a shaky table as their staffroom.

The arrival of a white man inevitably causes commotion. Photos are demanded – no reluctance on my part! Excited girls in cotton school uniforms and head shawls clamoured for pictures with the white man. There’s little of the reserve most of us associate with Islam: this is still cheerful Ghana after all. Seems I began to work on my next photo book and collection for my crowded walls today.

Little Hezekiah is at a school not far away, and already at 20 months, is familiar with being collected on Dad’s small motorbike. Dennis takes care of him in the afternoons, so we carried him back to Dennis and Emmanuella’s rented rooms – a sixth or so of a square, single storey block around a small concrete yard. There’s a living room, bedroom, bathroom and store room, the latter currently occupied by a small girl, Hege, aged ten, from Emmanuella’s village, who helps attend to Heze in exchange for her food and education, a common arrangement for large families. The kitchen is in the outer corridor of the block. All is tidy and clean but simple. There’s the inevitable TV, a sound system, easy chairs and low table. Possessions are relatively few, clothes kept tidily in bare wood wardrobes and beneath dust cloths. The block is amid many others, and small mosques abound out in those half rural, half suburban areas of red dust. It’s probably quite noisy even though it is far down sandy paths from any road. People come and go on small mopeds and cars, in such an area, are rarities.

We whiled away the hot afternoon under a tin shelter of a nearby beer bar, Heze and the little girl playing nearby. I don’t get much done in a day in this climate and I sleep – or try to when there’s a bit of cooling fan – far more than at home. My body will adjust a bit to Ghana’s furnace, but it takes its toll on energy levels, does this intense equatorial sun. Most of my energy goes into a vain attempt to cool down!

DAY 5. FRIDAY 24th NOVEMBER 2017. TAMALE, GHANA

I doubt the Taliban would much approve of the ‘looseness’ of Tamale’s Islamic interpretation, which is, of course, all in its favour. All children, girls and boys, are educated equally, pretty young women wear figure-hugging dresses, even if they still sport a low hemline – but many wear tights to cover their legs instead. Most wear the traditional headscarf, that often slips to a neck scarf, pulled loosely back now and again. It seems a healthy adaptation of a sometimes oppressive religion. And now they have Islamic pop music with unforgettable lines like, “Everybody say inshallah… boom… boom… everybody say inshallah…”! No, not Taliban material at all. These folk actually dare to enjoy themselves.

Travelling encourages happenstance, often the reason for so much of the fun on my journeys. Frank, a man of few friends who sleeps by seven at night and dislikes socialising, seldom goes out with Gladys of an evening. His sociable wife, my ‘mad sister’, is his opposite entirely. Psittaceous, is a word that we discovered in the dictionary years ago, when Dennis was a teenager; a word he loves to use about his mother. It means to be parrot-like and I notice my online dictionary doesn’t include it, and I wonder just how we discovered it! Maybe in the days of the paper dictionaries that I used to bring to articulate, loquacious Dennis we were sharing our love of words. His Jane Austen-like letters were one of the things that early attracted me to my ‘son’ and I miss them in these lazier days of email and phone-speak. Anyway, Gladys doesn’t get out much of an evening, and hardly gets to enjoy a beer in uncritical company, so I suggested that, despite the fact that I have five days on syrupy soft drinks thanks to having two molars out last week and now having to endure a course of antibiotics, it was an opportunity to get her out.

We went to a nearby bar, a cut above most but under cooling trees and apparently mosquito-less. We were early, but something was going to happen: people were gathering, mostly Moslem, dressed to the nines, coming and going in the darkened yard. Then floodlights sprang on and I could see an audience gathering in the further yard, no one drinking alcohol, it seemed (certainly not in public). Gladys turned her chair next to mine to watch the crowd. “Let’s go home, it’s nothing for us,”said Frank, but Gladys and I were determined to find out what was going on. We love to watch people and there was to be a talent contest, the bar-girl told us.

Frank slept, slouched in his chair as the place filled. Traditional drummers had gathered and now they began to drum noisily, thankfully overcoming the horrid rap music from Nigeria that played at huge volume. At nine, a compere arrived on the stage area. We were about to witness Miss Adama 2017, a contest in traditional dancing from the upper areas of the country: ‘Strictly’, Ghanaian style! Contestants would be eliminated and this was the semi final. Next week the final comes on at the sports stadium, pity I can’t take Gladys…

The performances were great, each of the nine dancers introducing her dance, then dancing in various regional, tribal styles that they had learned at the nearby Centre for Culture, an old Tamale institution. They were judged on their presentation, their fine, sometimes wild, costumes, use of the stage and so on, by a panel of judges. It was amusing and entertaining. Gladys beamed and exclaimed, and translated where necessary, although, as is common in Ghana, English is the language of all such events. A couple of the young women were outstanding and all entered into the fun and glamour of the evening. The crowd cheered, clapped and ululated.

It all ended soon after ten. “We can go now to avoid the crowd!” Exclaimed Frank, waking from his doze, three hours past his bedtime – so we did…

*

Earlier, Dennis and I went to visit Gladys’ school, at Saka Saka, a relatively wooded part of town, where she has been headteacher now for a few years. How proud her late mother, Akay, would have been. She’s a popular woman, much loved by her fellows and pupils. The cheerful children are excited when a white man comes and pandemonium erupts, with an unselfconscious naïveté that is delightful. All is smiles and noise and a song from them all is always forthcoming, as are the chanted rote greeting: “Good afternoon, sir, how are you?” yelled out with gusto as they all stand politely.

*

Later, Dennis and I sat under a shady tree at one of the club houses that belong to any institution with staff quarters (‘quarterziz’ in Ghana-speak). This pleasant expanse is that of the Volta RIver Authority, who control the hydro electric supplies of Ghana. Little Heze played happily around us. Dennis a good father and his son is devoted to him. In untypical African fashion, although I do see signs of change, he bathes his son, changes nappies, even put him on his back for a time yesterday in the manner of West African mothers! The little boy is cheerful and full of smiles and very active. At only 20 months, he appears to understand much of what is said to him already and loves to dance to music. A show of traditional dancing on TV prompted him to jig and dance for a long time with a wide smile. He’s a delightful little boy.

DAY 6. SATURDAY 25th NOVEMBER 2017. TAMALE, GHANA

There’s a sort of condensed essence of this continent to be found in its seething markets that I love, but I can’t roam there with Wechiga or Dennis, only with my sister, Gladys.

I persuaded Gladys to leave her kitchen and come out for lunch in town with Dennis and I, a rare treat for this poor hard worked woman. On seeing the menu, Gladys exclaimed. “Eh! It’s expensive! Wow! Eh!” I was back to my usual conundrum of trying not to see how cheap this was for me – as a lunch date for three! A huge quantity of fried rice with a small portion of guinea fowl, a dish of chicken with cashew nuts, vaguely Chinese, and a plate of potato chips with a small Guinness (for Dennis, still to Gladys’ disapproval, even now he’s 35), a shandy for her and another tedious soft drink for me – all came to 82 Cedis = £14… It’s difficult not to look wealthy, and become a source of so many demands. Frank actually thought I’d pluck an iPad from the European money trees for him. After all, in Europe money just litters the ground, doesn’t it? A brief lesson in the price of a pint of beer, a gallon of fuel, my shoes, my monthly electricity bill – a damned iPad – shocks, but there’s still this concept of how wealthy I must be, not knowing that I have a 20 year old car worth £150, while he has a car costing £9000 here in Ghana! Anyway, Dennis’s iPad, second hand, cost £100 in Accra, a price I can’t hope to equal.

So Gladys and I walked the streets and the rough market lanes, squeezing between towers of goods on rickety tables, dodging bowls on heads at my eye level, coughing in the fumes of a thousand mopeds and Indian-style three wheeler tuk-tuks, (copied by and made in China) the new vehicular plague on Africa. There are smells of petrol, spices, food, rotting meat and soap; piled dry goods, tins and containers; sacks of rice and foodstuffs; draped vibrant cloths and cheap tee shirts, jewellery and second hand clothes, babies on backs, thrusting bicycles festooned with merchandise; dangerously sharp-edged tin awnings, potholes and puddles of god know what; whirring sewing machines, chatter and music, more tinny treble than melody, and the calls of children selling water, and babies screaming. There is colour and interest everywhere; it’s a perilous place for an inquisitive visitor, all uneven and full of obstacles, full of novelties that distract and smiles that mirror mine.

Then a terrible moaning fills the air, constituting worship in this Islamic town. A ghastly wail wavers upwards into the dusty air from a thousand speaker cones strung from peeling plaster minarets on low-rise mosques. How can anyone praise their god so drearily, no one muezzin in tune throughout the town? It’s a dismal intoning of ritual drone with no feeling, no joy, no tunefulness, a miserable noise quite unlike the brazen cacophony of the Middle East.

We were looking for printed cotton fabrics, the famed West African dazzling wax print cloths, draped in kaleidoscopic walls in small tailors’ shops and booths and piled in teetering criss-cross piles at the roadside, ranged in pyramidical displays on head bowls. It was fun to select and spot the ones we liked – and thought my dear friend Leslie, with whom I stayed and worked happily in Florida these last couple of months, might enjoy. Gladys is so popular, so gregarious and so positive that it became most enjoyable work, despite the heat, the noise, the dust. We bundled our purchases into my little backpack (that’s been mended in Tamale for several years) to add to the delicious ripe pineapple (£1, much of that cost being transport from the south), the tins of condensed milk, a bag of greasy ‘bo fruits’ a form of local doughnut, stodgy and fried in oily fat, and some ‘Tutenkamen fish’, my name for ugly, curled dried and smoked fish that look like an artefact buried for five thousand years beneath the Egyptian deserts.

It’s not surprising that I can sleep for ten or more hours here in Africa, so much of my energy going into trying to keep cool; my days filled with observation and here with sociable activity. I can sleep from 9.30 until 8.00 with no trouble, long hours after most of Ghana has arisen and been at work since before dawn.

DAY 7. SUNDAY 26th NOVEMBER 2017. TAMALE, GHANA Continue reading

EAST AFRICA SAFARI 2107 -SIXTEEN

HERE’S THE END OF THIS YEAR’S TRAVEL STORY! Uploaded at Schipol Airport, Amsterdam. So VERY odd to be amongst all these – really rather ugly – white people.  Home in a few more hours. THEN the adaptation begins…

DAY 86 SATURDAY 4th MARCH 2017. KITALE, KENYA

I’m always so happy when I face down my fears! I’ve been debating with myself for some days whether I would ride back on that terrible road from Sipi to Suam border and so back to Kitale – or take the tame option of the tarred road and the major East Africa Highway border post. I awoke (after great sleep again at Sipi) to a sparkling, glorious day. Rain looked extremely unlikely, certainly before afternoon, by which time I would have hopefully negotiated that deteriorated rock and dust track – all sixty miles of it. In a couple of weeks’ time it will be all but impassible when the rains come in earnest. For today it was just damp, settling some of the dust of the pitted, rutted, rocky surface.

It always amused me how the old always slightly exaggerate their ages: “Oh, I’m in my 90th year!” instead of, “I’m 89.” But today I found myself saying to myself, ‘not bad for someone who’s almost 68’! How fickle we are! But it WAS a hard physical ride and tonight I will sleep well. Sixty miles of exercise, moving quickly about, wrestling with the bucking bike, bouncing and leaping over long rocky patches, gripping the bars through ruts and dirt – and looking at the astonishing views at the same time as avoiding a million obstacles, inert and alive. A terrific ride! How I used to enjoy trail riding when I lived in Yorkshire: a couple of miles of this sort of riding seemed such fun. In Africa it goes on for hours, miles and sometimes days.

On a road like this, the discomfort of the little blue bike is outweighed by its lightness. This would have been hell on my BMWs. This ride was so much more fun than the first time I took that road, six weeks or so ago. I have come to know the capabilities and foibles of the little blue bike and now ride it with much more assurance. It’s still uncomfortable, but that’s a fact of the narrow seat, for which during the next ten months or so, Rico and I can find a solution – a single, wider seat perhaps. The bike has proved to be reliable if unexciting, and the addition of the two bulkier tyres and the second hand shock absorber has certainly made me more confident of getting over these rough tracks and roads.

How high I was riding I don’t know. Mount Elgon, which I was circuiting, is Africa’s fourth highest, and Kitale is at 2000 metres-odd, so much of the day has been spent around and above that altitude. The sun beat down from a deep blue sky, the rain clouds of yesterday truly a thing of the past. But the rainy season won’t be long now. Each day brings showers; it’s been drizzling since I got home to Kitale. I arrived plastered in filth as I did when I arrived at Sipi some weeks ago. The dust adheres to my beard and neck and fills the linings of my helmet, covers the front of my jacket and my pannier bags. My boots are red, and so’s the little bike. But it was FUN! A thoroughly good day, and especially so because I was dubious about coming back by this hard, difficult route and almost copped out and rode via the tarred road. Happily, I didn’t allow myself to be beaten.

*

Back at home most of the girls are on their half term, making the house lively and cheerful. Lovely Scovia is here today as well as the others. Little Shamilla runs excitedly and leaps into the arms of her newest uncle. It’s a delightful family, warm, welcoming and accommodating. I am made SO welcome in their cordial, open African manner. I’m just another addition to the extended family and I fit in comfortably with my traveller’s adaptability. I mean, Adelight was a bit concerned that if I do come for the next Christmas holiday, and if Rico’s sister and husband make it too, where would I sleep? “Put me back in the garage office as now!” I declared. “I love it out there. It’d be my bedroom of choice in this household.” It’s private, quiet (except for bloody cockerels, but they are an African penance) and undisturbed. Actually, even before supper, as I write, I am looking forward to creeping under the net and covers tonight. I feel satisfyingly tired. ‘Not bad for almost 68’ though! Haha.

*

The immigration officers didn’t spot the date mistake on my visa this time, and the customs officer who should have explained all the ins and outs of the temporary carnet several weeks ago, seemed content just to withhold the paper given to me by his opposite number three days ago. It seemed that bureaucracy was thus served. I asked no further questions. The Ugandan customs officer wasn’t even there, so I had to persuade someone just to stamp the paper and write ‘Suam border’ on it. It’s all such tedious nonsense. Just keep smiling… No one will ever read these papers anyway. You know, I’ve travelled in and out, and around 21 African nations, some of them many times, and I have never yet paid a bribe to any official. I’m quite proud of that achievement.

DAY 87 SUNDAY 5th MARCH 2017. KITALE, KENYA

There’s little that even I can write about a day spent sitting on the porch reading! Most relaxing, and enjoying the last few days in which I can sit about in tee shirt and shorts for now. I only ventured out once: a ride to town to purchase two large juicy pineapples – the queen of tropical fruits to my taste – (£1.20 each) and a litre of ice cream (considerably more expensive at about £6 for processed sugar and grease!) as a treat for all the girls. These girls – Scovia, Marion, Rose, Shamilla, and Yvonne the almost mute house-girl, have few treats, even in this well organised, generous household. So much so that Rose, who is supposed to return to school tonight, has put off her return until tomorrow for the sake of pineapple and ice cream – and the obviously much enjoyed company of her ‘sisters’. Shy, charming Rose, found on the street and now a member of such a real family. That’s very moving; just one of the inspiring stories that never make their way out of Africa. One of Adelight’s junior brothers is staying just now too, waiting to get his papers to go to college. Doubtless Shammi’s little friend Jape (half Dutch) from the next compound will join in the party. What would be a ‘sleep over’ in Europe is just the flexibility of families here in Africa. One extra is seldom even noticed, even in the two communal beds all the girls share – by choice – in their room with its heaps of clothes piled together. In England we exclaim at the ‘hardship’ of children having to share a room and even a child’s room without an en suite bathroom is becoming defined as relative deprivation. And as for not having a TV in their room – well, that’s poverty. These girls share their beds and don’t feel any grievance. Seven or eight of them (for Yvonne, the house girl becomes part of the group), aged six to twenty, share two six foot square beds and appear content with their lot, happy to be together, sharing also friendship and cheerfulness that I seldom witness amongst privileged, complacent children of my European experience, with their comforts, material possessions, constant diversions, pernickety diets and complaints. A dose of African life would make them much better, more generous, less selfish, manipulative citizens. Just as well I am without children, perhaps!! They’d be ‘removed’ by the ‘authorities’ as ‘deprived’. Haha. I am so fond of these children, representatives of most of their fellows throughout the continent, for here children are generally happy for what little they have, polite and respectful – without being necessarily subservient – to their elders, positive, cheerful and caring towards each other, and filled with the fortitude that always impresses me so much in African life.

DAY 88 MONDAY 6th MARCH 2017. KITALE, KENYA

My 2017 African journey almost over, there’s not much to do but sort out what stays in Kitale for my next trip and what comes home. Delightful Scovia washed my riding jacket (eight changes of water!) – now cleaner than at any time since I bought it five years and five African trips ago. Scruffy and faded, it is still serviceable, as are my old, very faded trousers (bought in South Africa in 2002), washed by Rose, along with my backpack, veteran of MANY African journeys, even mended a few times in Ghana.

Adelight and I went to town independently today. It’s difficult to coordinate there with her business and shopping but by coincidence I was riding out of the supermarket car park as she began to back her vehicle out of her parking space. We laughed together and I invited her for lunch in town. She’s become a friend over these weeks, a warm-hearted, very able woman and good company. We have enjoyed getting to know one another and look forward to an easy reunion in ten months, all being well. There are vague plans afoot to spend the Christmas holiday up at Lake Turkana, and the family all seem to hope I will be with them. And that’s fine by me! “Oh, you’ve become part of the family!” exclaims Adelight.

At the internet cafe, where I am well known by now, I booked a room online for my stay in Nairobi on Wednesday. It’s double my budget at about £33, but it IS only 2km from the airport for my departure at 08.50 on Thursday. It’s a day flight, which I much prefer, getting me home in the evening, and allowing me, perhaps, a glimpse of my favourite Sahara from 36,000 feet. So good not to miss a night’s sleep as is so common. It looks as if 2017 will be another year with frequent flights, with the American project firing up soon after I get home to Harberton this week.

It’s been so good to have a home base for this trip, as indeed I had for the past four journeys in Africa. I love the fact that I have friends all over this wonderful world, people who appear glad to see me when I turn up after years of absence, just, of course, as they would be in Devon. But the economic scales are unfairly weighted in my favour, over so many of my friends, especially those in Africa…

Well, it just means I have to come to see THEM..!

DAY 89 TUESDAY 7th MARCH 2017. KITALE, KENYA

This evening I packed up the little blue bike and left it in Rico’s garage, hopefully to use again at the end of the year. It needs a new chain and sprockets and I will try to find the replacement parts for the starter motor, although I must say I hardly miss it already.

Scovia came to me this morning and said, “Uncle Jonathan, I have… well, I have a sort of favour to ask… Would you take me and my friend back to school this afternoon?”

Well, it’s difficult to refuse 18 year old Scovia anything, frankly! She’s such a delight and, I admit, my favourite among the girls. So at four she and her (fortunately slim) pretty friend, Sophie clambered onto the bike, with attendant bags, and we set off, a mzungu boda-boda once again, to her school, some ten kilometres down the road, away from town. Well hidden, down a mile or so of dirt road, it’s a decent, well cared for set of buildings, but no doubt discipline is tight and old fashioned: it usually is in African schools. The majority are harsh boarding schools with no comforts, but education is taken seriously by pupils and teachers alike, and they know the hardship is a necessity in these cash-strapped countries. Their dormitories will be Dickensian, the food basic and the conditions hard. But you’ll hear no one complain seriously. It’s just the way it is, and education is the only way forward, so all pupils are grateful for that which they get. Once again, African fortitude wins over what any European student would consider impossible privation. The girls laughed and enjoyed riding with the mzungu, a cheerful fifteen minutes. Once at school, it brought back all my dislike of school though. They were almost an hour late (there’d been a heavy shower earlier and I reminded Scovia that that was her best excuse!) and were advised that some punishment would be meted out. I always hated the arbitrary discipline of school regimes. I can see now that the seeds of my independence were sown a long time ago.

*

In the past couple of months I have ridden two kilometres shy of seven thousand: 6998kms or 4374 miles on the little blue bike. Apart from the broken teeth on those cogs, it’s been reliable, once I found a new spark plug and shock absorber. I’ve not liked the small 200cc engine power, but I haven’t really minded riding so slowly I suppose, just missed the extra power. The seat has been prodigiously uncomfortable, especially as I lost fat from my backside as I always do on these motorbike journeys. I hope Rico and I can adapt it to a single seat before I use it again.

My bag is packed – only the one, including my big riding boots. My jacket, trousers, helmet and some of my aged clothes can stay in the pannier bags now stored atop the cupboards in Rico’s garage office, that doubles as my bedroom. I’ll bring home the one bag and a small carry-on. This trip I really trimmed down my luggage – never very extravagant – to an absolute minimum. When I met the Irish couple, back at the Rwanda border, I was horrified at the incredible bulk of luggage they had festooned round their two bikes, the sat-nav gear, the astonishing ‘armour’ they wore over their heavy riding gear, and the bundles and bales that appended their rear seats. Those bikes must have been hell to manage. I certainly wouldn’t want to negotiate the Suam border road with that lot, even when I was thirty years younger! Loading up alone must take an hour a day… For me, loading up now takes about four minutes.

*

Since December I have been saying, “I must go to the museum!” I finally made it today. It’s a dusty, fly-blown place that makes me understand the distaste that so many have for museums. It’s stuck in about 1950, I’m afraid. A collection started by a colonial army officer, bequeathed to the State with money to build a museum – and then left to vegetate with no further investment. I was the first to sign the visitors’ book since the 15th of last month, and was accompanied – as is often the case in African museums – by a guide, pointing out the obvious. Benjamin, after about fifteen minutes and several dowdy cases, asked what I did for a living. “Design museums,” I said with a smile… The ghastly taxidermy (never a thing of beauty) was threadbare and had moulted (about forty years ago, by the look of the bedraggled specimens) and bottles held sad-looking dead snakes in preservative, and pins faded butterflies to yellowed board.

Outside is a much-vaunted ‘nature walk’ that has been preserved in a shallow valley virtually in the heart of town. It’s home to birds and monkeys and resounded to the racket of a mad yelling mullah or preacher, amplified so that it filled the ‘natural’ space of the dusty, decrepit valley walk. As usual the ‘nature walk’ was a comprehensive display of plastic detritus and discarded single-use plastic bottles. It would take a couple of days to dredge the place of all this filth – but no one (except the likes of me) even SEES it, so who would think of cleaning it up?

In a few hours the journey home begins. Another – my fifth consecutive – annual trip to Africa is almost ended. I have to readapt to ‘normal’ life. Trouble is, after SO many journeys THIS has become pretty normal too! I’m never sure which takes more adaptation now. On the whole, I think England is the bigger challenge…

DAY 90 WEDNESDAY 8th MARCH 2017. NAIROBI, KENYA

Well, I won’t make that mistake again – going to Nairobi! I will do anything required to avoid it. I’d rather spend a week in Eldoret, until now my least favourite Kenyan city. Nairobi is an utter, total, unmitigated shit hole! Sorry, but it really is. Knee deep in filth and tattered plastic, stagnant green puddles of offensive odour, broken roads, dust, heat, virtually stationary traffic, shacks, shanties, jerry building and ugliness. It is beyond anything I have seen in Africa – and I’ve seen a few vile cities round this continent, but nothing to compete with Nairobi. It’s utterly foul. I now remember riding hundreds of miles out of my way to go round it in 2002 in one direction and stopping a few hours one side so I could ride right through and stay the other side when I rode in the other direction. Must have been a reason. Now I know what it was. Nairobi is contemptible.

Perhaps it’s fitting that the worst few hours of my journey occurred on the last day.

*

The day began early with an airport to be at by 8.00. Kitale airstrip, to be precise, a small airfield only about three kilometres from the house. We see the small planes banking away over the house most mornings. Today it was my turn to fly out. How I enjoy small aircraft. This one was a fifteen seater, a little wider than my car, probably the same width as Rico’s Land Cruiser. A few cupboards under the body for the bags and three seats across, with the pilots sitting up front in the same cabin. I love flying this way. And flying at only 11,000 to 12,000 feet is such fun too, when the land is at 6000 feet as it is in much of Kenya. I had the seat behind the co-pilot; it would have been better on the left side as it happens, as the main views of the spectacular Rift Valley escarpments are on that side, dropping away like something in an Imax film underneath. Kenya is a fine country over which to fly, the evidence of its volcanic origins very obvious in its pimply surface, dotted with extinct volcanoes. There are huge tracts of forest but most obvious is the extremely manmade landscape, with so much of the country cultivated and dotted with a million small shambas as well as the giant commercial farms of big business, ugly acres of hot houses to grow roses and flowers for the European market and the beans and vegetables we so thoughtlessly purchase in our supermarkets, ignoring the air miles – and the fact that the best land is given over to growing luxuries for western tastes when Africa needs nutrition so badly. Several jumbo jets filled with flowers fly from Eldoret to Europe every morning of the year.

The flight lasted a little under an hour and a quarter, a terrific experience in this single prop plane piloted relaxedly by the Asian pilot, checking his phone as we flew, like every other driver in Kenya, and a Kenyan co-pilot. The Kenyan was obviously in training and brought us in to land at Wilson Airfield, Nairobi’s second airport – brought us in a bit bumpily, needing a bit more training.

Then I had the unpleasant task of bargaining with taxi drivers, sharp, greedy capital city dwellers. In the end I found David, whom I didn’t find very sympathetic, telling me stories to justify his rip off prices that I refused to swallow. He demanded 1400 Kenya shillings (£11.20) for the ride. It was actually about 16kms (10 miles) but I adamantly stuck to my best offer of 1200. All the journey he was rattling on about how far it was as I listened irritably. My accommodation of tonight did take a bit of finding, it’s true, but I had the phone number and he talked with Carolyne, my hostess. When we arrived at Carolyne’s tidy gated community amongst the filth and grot of residential suburban Nairobi, I handed him a 1000 and a 200 note as I had agreed. He was still talking so much, still justifying his demands and verifying his honesty etc etc, that he didn’t look at the notes and handed me change of 200/-, thinking I’d handed over 1500 and he could still get 1300. I didn’t enlighten him, I’m afraid, that he’d just handed me change for 1200, not 1500. If he’s so hard done by as a business man, he should concentrate! Anyway, 1000/- is still a rip off price! And anyway, I didn’t like him much…

*

This homestay is pleasant enough, a family home in a middle class, not very spacious gated community, seemingly surrounded by foetid dereliction, a couple of kilometres from the airport perimeter, but I like Carolyne’s reason for doing this work. She is supporting a couple of random village waifs through school, as well as her own two small children. Many people are latching onto this money making enterprise, a room or two in the family house for passing tourists, especially if they live not too far from the international airport.

However, the concept of spending several hours stuck out here didn’t seem so attractive, so I decided to head for the city. Wish I hadn’t… At the entrance to the gated community, I waited across the road with a couple of other fellows for a matatu. As it arrived, I realised that I didn’t know quite where I was, so I asked the man next to me to enlighten me. “It’s Tassia,” he informed me. Only it wasn’t – but it took me uncomfortable hours to discover that. It took a hideous hour and a half to get to town in a matatu and a hot bus that stopped every few hundred yards to drum up more passengers, and then entered the gridlock traffic of Nairobi. At last, deciding I could walk faster, I got down and did just that. Oddly, the city centre is orderly, if crowded, and strangely quiet, just the hum of conversation and music from shops. If the rest of the city was like its heart, it might, just might, be acceptable. But it’s not! The rest is a dump.

I wandered the streets for a time and took a late lunch in a restaurant, and then, with nothing much attracting me to the endless mobile phone shops that seem to make up most city centres these days, especially in Africa, I thought I might as well head home, which’d probably take me another hour and a half. Carolyne had instructed that I should look for a matatu number 33C opposite the State Archives. Well, I found a BUS 33C and told the tout I wanted Tassia. I mounted and had the worst ride of my considerable experience, with ‘music’ so loud that I rode with my fingers in my ears for the next one and a half hours – much of it, it transpired, in the wrong bloody direction! The bus shook and vibrated to the intensity of the sub-bass of the disco-sized speakers. I have said before that if you want to put me in a lousy mood, put me in noise. Wow, did I get bad tempered! Then it appeared I was going across country on dire ‘roads’ heading back to town and should have alighted way back and found another matatu. Huh! By then I could have hit everyone around me, most of whom seemed amused by my predicament, angering me more! I had my phone with me, by good fortune, as I’d been going to leave it in Kitale, but decided I might as well have it with me whenever I return. I called Carolyne for directions and had to backtrack half an hour on the appalling road amongst the worst slums I have seen outside India, back to a major roundabout where I could eventually find a small matatu for Baraka Estates, which is where I had set out from, not Tassia, as my informant had claimed. The journey home took no less than two and a half ghastly hours through the shittiest city I have witnessed in a very long time – and I have seen some shitty cities… Never again.

*

So my safari comes full circle and it only remains to fly the four thousand six hundred-odd miles back to Bristol and a bus to Devon. For those miles I am in the hands of the professionals, not matatu drivers.

DAY 90 and a half THURSDAY 9th MARCH 2017. FLYING HOME WITH KENYA AIRWAYS/ KLM

Once again at 11,000 metres. I seem to spend quite a lot of time up here these days. Goodness, I am happy to leave Nairobi behind and be travelling away from it at 500mph! What a dump! Even getting to the airport, and I was almost within sight of it, was so stressful. The traffic is thick, discipline non-existent and then there are multiple security checks in an order unknown anywhere else in the world: all passengers have to go through a security screen out at the perimeter of the airport, while cars are checked. Then bags are screened on entering the terminal, before check in. Then there’s passport control. Then there’s another full screening of passengers and hand luggage. Then there’s ticketing at the gate. If it wasn’t for the necessity to travel on that road to Jinja, I think I’d fly through Kampala/ Entebbe next time. It’s not much further from Kitale than Nairobi… Maybe I will anyway!

*

So, up here, a quick look back at the past twelve weeks. What’ll I be happy to get away from – other than ghastly Nairobi? Wet, lethally slippery bathroom floors: all bathrooms in East Africa seem to be ‘wet rooms’, with showers that continue to dribble for hours after you shower, soaking the lavatory, clothes and floors; loo rolls that shred into confetti as you pull them; tissue paper ‘Colonial’ bread, of which the British Empire should be so ashamed – it’s perhaps worse than the British versions: Mother’s Pride, Warburtons et al; Blue Band marg – I’d as soon eat axle grease; mosquitoes; waking up in tired, stained rooms; eating with my fingers; endless crappy, wall to wall, lowest quality TV, volume too loud and frequently tediously and emotionlessly dubbed into American; searching for a place to sleep…

It’s not a serious list of grievances. I’ll miss more than I am happy to leave: the almost universal sense of goodwill to strangers that I hope these pages have expressed; being a kind of celebrity just by being a mzungu on a motorbike passing by; sunshine and warmth; constant activity; new sights and experiences; writing this journal – and the wonderful sense of not knowing what tomorrow will bring, one of the sensations that still keeps me on the road after all these years.

I have frequently fallen into the lazy terminology of writing ‘Africa’, which is a continent of 54 diverse countries. Of course, I can pare that down to meaning sub-Saharan Africa or ‘black Africa’, but even this includes South Africa and its white tribes. I hope you read into my lazy six letter description: ‘Africa’, those countries I have visited south of the Sahara, now 17, I think. Perhaps then you can begin to see the pattern of why I lump all these different peoples together, for there are some universal qualities: living in the NOW; warmth to strangers; and general fortitude in the face of privations, borne with the acceptance and philosophy that it’s just how things are – poverty and conditions few of us have ever suffered, and in many cases never even imagined. There are old cultural mores and social habits that survive almost everywhere, good and bad, despite the incursion of Western influences: giving what little you have; receiving as well as giving from the heart (such a difficult lesson for Westerners to learn, used as we are to counting the cost); kindness and compassion; the oh-so-admirable extended family unit that even extends to absorb a passing mzungu; extreme politeness and a general lack of aggression (although this can be bottled up and flare into ghastly conflict, tribal war, sectarian violence and even genocide on unimaginable scales…). Then, of course, there’re the smiles! Where else do I see, hour after hour, day in day out, such positive, smiling people as I find on my African journeys?

*

Highlights..? Spending time with my old and firm friend Rico; becoming friends with his lovely wife – and the Rico Girls; walking in the villages and meeting people with William in Kessup and Alex in Sipi; riding the road in western Uganda from the best hotel at the White Horse Inn in Kabale; the salt pans at Katwe, one of the most extraordinary sights I have seen on the continent; the road in and out of the Rift and Kerio Valleys between Eldama Ravine and Kessup; the rough and rugged Suam border road; the ‘old road, over the mountain range near Fort Portal in western Uganda; discovering the Ugandans – said to be the friendliest people on the continent, and I have no reason to contest that; Lake Kivu, especially around Kibuye in the west of Rwanda; the Rwandan countryside; enhancing my understanding of the Rwandan genocide, truly a fascinating insight into man’s inhumanity under the evil manipulation of propaganda, lies and evil men (watch out America. The scale my be different to what happened in Rwanda in 1994 or Germany in 1933/4, but the rhetoric is astonishingly similar…).

The Rwandan genocide made me think long and hard about morality and religion. Some of my comments on religion have been a bit strong. You can’t witness, for 12 consecutive days – the time I rode about Rwanda – the horrors of that episode without reflecting on the cynicism, manipulation – ‘evil’ – perpetrated; the endorsement of evil by clever politicians based on race and tribe, exploiting old doubts, enhancing present fears, the organised generation of hatred, without wondering how it could ever happen. Rwanda made me think a lot about the role of religion and religious leaders too, for you cannot gaze at all those hundreds of human skulls and broken bones preserved as a memorial, punctured by bullet holes, crushed by rocks, disfigured by machetes, and not wonder how this can be done by people of conscience and professing to be – as virtually every African I have ever met in all these years – Christians, Moslems and believers in god… How can you bash an innocent baby’s head – maybe the child of your neighbour and previous friend or workmate -against a wall and still profess belief? And what worth is a god that can ‘forgive’ these acts? I cannot square the evils done in the names of religion with any worthwhile belief any more, and I have seen the results of much of that evil in my world travels, but seldom more powerfully and shockingly than in Rwanda.

Mankind has no grander than animal nature, dress it up how the philosophers will, survival of the self and the genes the primary motive.

It’s also a sobering to reflect on the state of mankind and what we have done, and continue to do, to our small, fragile planet. Uganda brings that home forcibly. The ‘youngest’ country on earth by population, with 49% below the age of 14, 78% under the age of 30, and a mere 2% reaching 65. The average number of children per woman is almost seven. Given that Uganda stays the same size, land gets less productive as it gets more tired, water is in already short supply, there is no recycling of waste, the forests are disappearing adding to global warming, and health care and education resources are already strapped to breaking point, what future has Uganda? What future has mankind’s continued existence on the planet, for Uganda is not alone in this profligate madness. One thing I know now is that in a couple of generations, those alive then will despise their grandparents for their excesses, their lack of restraint and their mad egotistical folly. The planet in 100 years will not be a comfortable place to be, with wars and conflict over basic resources like water, clean air and fuel. Travelling in Africa convinces me that our race is doomed to the fate of the dinosaurs.

If it doesn’t just poison itself first. The filth and waste, particularly of plastic, peddled by corporate greed; the encouragement of addiction to various pernicious chemicals in food processing – you should see Africans spoon in the sugar and drink HFCS-filled soft drinks, and remember that dentistry is basic on this continent, for one example; the unsafe, immoral manufacturing practices in the name of wealth for a few at the expense of the masses; the uncontrolled use of pesticides and fertilisers; the wiping out of so many indigenous species, so many of which play important roles in the balance of their habitat; the filth belched out of old, unmaintained vehicles that rises into the fragile atmosphere, along with the encouragement of cattle breeding, one of the worst greenhouse gas producers; the incorrect, uncontrolled sale of invaluable antibiotics for every ailment; the self-medication for ‘malaria’ that weakens any prophylactics and cures on this mosquito infested continent (to the gleeful profit, no doubt, of multinational drugs companies); and the general despoliation of what was once such a wonderful landscape – mainly through mere over population…

No, travelling in Africa, for now, is wonderful in its way, but I wouldn’t want to be doing this in a hundred years. I have seen the best.

*

My trip took me 7000 kilometres on the little blue bike, adding my little bit to global pollution, I suppose… I used 214 litres of petrol at a cost of about £180. The little bike was cheap to run once my initial huge investment was done. It achieved about 34km per litre, or 96mpg. My longest ride was 306kms (190 miles) – (too far!). I spent 52 nights in hotels, ranging from £4.38 to £16.75, plus the two nights in Nairobi at £24 and £33. The average for the 52 nights was £13.20 per night, invariably with breakfast included. I handed over £685 to various East African hoteliers plus those £55 in Nairobi.

The bike set me back £1905 to buy and a further £395 to set it up for the ride. On top I had to spend £82 on legal stuff to get it registered and insured and £112 on various repairs on the road. So the bike cost me altogether £2606. The rest of my entire spending: living expenses, hotels, incidentals, came to about £2570 taking off these bike costs. My KLM airfare was £591. The whole 91 days has therefore set me back about £3160. I hope to recoup a good deal of the £2606 bike expense when I eventually resell it. Life at home would have cost almost as much, I bet, but my household bills were kindly taken of by lending my house out! Once again, I prove that for us OAPs it’s probably as cheap to live in the sun in winter!! And Africa beats the Costa del Sol hands down for me.

And it keeps me young! I have been extremely healthy throughout, despite drinking and eating almost anything put in front of me. I stayed on the little bike for 7000kms without incident, except on day two of my ride when I tumbled into a sandy embankment and got my foot trapped beneath the pannier, requiring embarrassing assistance from a passing lorry. But on that occasion, I fell because the rear wheel had shaken completely loose with the bumping of the dirt road – and my bad maintenance, it must be said.

I’ve lost my customary inch and a half from my waistline, which is good and feel fit and healthy from sunshine and a LOT of exercise. There’s little real stress to these trips beyond minor irritations like finding places to sleep or worrying about breakdowns. I have been entirely independent and just loved that sense of NOT KNOWING WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING!

All being well, there’ll be more trips in amazing Africa before too long.

9th March 2017

EAST AFRICA SAFARI 2017 – Fifteen

DAY 81 MONDAY 27th FEBRUARY 2017. KITALE, KENYA

The circle complete, I am back to Kitale and cheerful welcomes from Adelight, and also Rose, Bo and Shamilla, for this is their half term. I went away as they went to school and came back for their holiday, a bonus for me with all these happy girls round the house.

The other reason for coming back now is that tonight I am attempting to join a meeting in Boston, USA with my colleagues and clients for the forthcoming project in Tampa, Florida – the pirate theatre that I have already conceived, in what seems right now to be another life. Little is further from my thoughts than ‘immersive’ pirate theatres. I trust I can busk my way through a meeting. At least I know the clients and they have faith in me, so if I sound less than perky on the subject I shall expect them to forgive me. I am, after all, in Darkest Africa so far as most Americans are concerned. By good foresight I did bring along a copy of the theatre plan I drew in early December and left in my bag here in Kitale. Of course, the trouble with such a meeting is that the clients are flying up from Florida to Boston and starting the meeting around one o’clock, already nine in my evening, and continuing until five, my one in the morning! Considering that the last two evenings I went to bed at 8.30 I may not be at my best… The wifi here at Rico and Adelight’s house is no better than it was in December (non-existent most of the time) so we have been to town to fire up the wifi on her phone so that I can Skype my colleagues (probably from my bed!).

Later: a total failure! Having spent £8 to add wifi time to Adelight’s tablet phone, we couldn’t charge up the battery because the whole area has been under a total power cut since afternoon! So much for my attempts and plans. I managed a short call to them on my cheap East African phone, to greet them and apologise at least. Africa, outside large cities, is not conducive to international business, something we now take for granted in Europe. It’s not so long ago, well within my travelling life, that I had NO contact with home, except the postal service for weeks and even months on end while I travelled. Why, even as late as 1990, my brother Wechiga made his first international telephone call – with a Bakelite handset from a wooden booth in the main Navrongo post office – to my mother in England. I well remember his excitement. Now we speak every couple of weeks, he from his fields in northern Ghana to my living room in Harberton.

*

It was a short ride home today, just two and a half hours or so, all on roads I have ridden several times already. I’m very fortunate to have a ‘home base’ for these journeys, as I did these past four years in South Africa. I hope to have another brief trip to Uganda this week, and then the little blue bike and some of my luggage will be stored in Rico’s garage until I can use it again, all being well next British winter.

*

My usual luck held and I arrived at home just a few minutes before the first shower of this showery day. There was noisy rain on the roof of my chalet room at Kessup last night, rattling on the steel sheets. The rainy season is now on its way. Through the afternoon and evening we have had several heavy showers. Time for me to leave.

*

I have been known to expound on my opinion that religion is business in Africa. (Just now and again!). For the past three days, just for fun, I have been recording some of the bizarre array of churches I have passed. In the little notebook I keep in my riding jacket pocket, I jotted this laughable collection:

Repentance and Holiness Church
Repent and Healing Ministries
Repentance Church
Full Gospel Church
Redeemed Gospel Church
African Gospel Church
All Nations Gospel Church
Gospel of Peace Ministry
Universal Gospel Ministries
Faith in International Missions Church
Word of Faith Church
Word of Life Christian Fellowship Church
Christian Fellowship Foundation Church
Full Pentecostal Church
Pentecostal Assemblies of God
United Pentecostal Evangelical Church
New Pentecostal Praiseland Church
Light of the World Church
All Nations Lighthouse Church
Testament Church of God
New Testament Church of God
Jesus Disciples Tabernacle International Ministry
Faithful Worshipper Ministries
King Jesus Faith Ministry
Jesus Apostolic Church
Apostolic Faith Church
Life if Risen Christ Church
Path of Christ Mission
Christus Church
Christ the Shepherd Church
Christian Outreach Mission Church
King’s Outreach Church
Reformed Church of East Africa
Seventh Day Adventists
Inland Church of Africa
House of Praise and Happy Church (!)
Rejoice Baptist Church
Love Christ Ministries and Church
Growth Church
Deliverance Church
Christ for All People Church
Christian Hope Church
Fountain of Hope Church
Miracle Life Church
Believers’ Mission Church
Voice of God Believers’ Ministry
Calvary Celebration Church
Grace of Calvary Church
New Calvary Church

Then, of course, you have the Catholics, Anglicans, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Methodists, Baptists, Salvation Army, the barking Jehovah’s Witnesses and all the others, so-called established churches. I even spotted a Coptic Health Centre somewhere on my road. Even the Quakers are here.

Every small village, however mean – and they usually are – has a rows of churches along its roads, always the biggest, best constructed buildings in the village, used for a few hours of singing and nonsense and collecting money that people cannot afford, to construct buildings that are used once a week, while the populous live in squalor. I know the argument that it gives people hope but surely there are more practical ways to help than this crazy proliferation of small, greedy, money-making enterprises fleecing the uneducated? Many of these ‘churches’ obtain sponsorship, many from crazed religiously narrow-minded Americans, and so-called, self created ‘pastors’ fleece their earnest, desperate flocks with their specious promises. And that’s not to mention the religious ‘crusades’ and rallies orchestrated by exploitative American evangelists…

Sorry, it makes me angry as a compassionate being to see this abuse of trust. I’m afraid Africa makes me into an increasingly militant atheist. Reading ‘The God Delusion’ while working in right wing Florida (of all places) put a lot into perspective for me. End of subject – for now.

DAY 82 TUESDAY 28th FEBRUARY 2017. KITALE, KENYA

February’s gone so I can think about going home now! The worst month of winter is done.

This was a day of mere relaxation, not much achieved except arranging a ticket with one of the small planes that fly from Kitale to Nairobi for next week. There are several companies in competition now so the prices have plummeted to £48. For one who loves flying in small planes that’s a price well worth paying for a trip over Kenya. I flew in a six-seater, back in 2001, from the northwest of Kenya to Nairobi and it was one of the finest flights I ever took, soaring over the Rift Valley and the hills and forests that I have ridden through these past weeks.

Oh, I did fix the lavatory cistern! So I did achieve something today, taking it to pieces and replacing the defective diaphragm. ‘Lavatory Cisterns of the World I have repaired’, would be a sizeable volume, with all the broken ones I have encountered in a large percentage of the cheap hotels in which I have stayed in my aggregate eleven years of travelling out of Britain.

I have very much enjoyed Adelight’s company. She is a very warm, capable woman full of good humour. She makes a very equal partner for Rico, in a way that I think is probably rare in African/ European couples. It’s been so good to make a new friend in her, to bond and to be more than just a friend of her husband’s. We’ve become comfortable together very easily. I have warm invitations to return next Christmas. All being well, perhaps I shall indeed. Plus, of course, there are all the girls who seem to accept me easily too. A charming family – and, as I wrote some weeks ago, a family in the truest sense, considering the disparate relationships of their blood lines. Happy times. Maybe next Christmas the family will travel up to Turkanaland in the far north, the wild hinterlands of Kenya.

DAY 83 WEDNESDAY 1st MARCH 2017. SIPI, UGANDA

The sun is setting palely over Uganda from my vantage point on the cliff at the Coffeeland Resort, to which I have returned, after six wandering weeks, to an excited welcome from young Alex, the charming manager. Precious doesn’t seem to be here this evening. Alex tells me that in my absence another mzungu on a motorbike pulled into the guest house and he rushed up and hugged him, calling to Precious, “Jonathan has returned! Jonathan is back!” Edward, a Scottish biker, was somewhat surprised by his warm welcome! But he stayed three days, so he must have enjoyed the friendly personal attention too!

*

Discussing the filth of the deep dust road from Kitale via Suam border that I took last time and was reluctant to face again, Adelight told me there was another small border to the south of Kitale that would mean I didn’t have to go through the very busy border post on the main East African Highway, my other option. “It’s tar!” she said. Well, the first bit was..! But I still had to suffer 70kms of very rough track that frequently dwindled to little more than a village path that made me doubt I was on an international route. Asking often if I was still on the road, it seemed I was.

At last I arrived at the Kenya border…

…Where I had to do some fast talking. I’m an old hand at border crossings – fortunately – and I know the last thing I must do is appear irritated or dubious about the whole ridiculous process, for those processes justify the status of the officials. And status, for officials, is all.

Apparently, to take a vehicle out of Kenya, I am supposed to lodge the log book at the customs office in Eldoret (my least favourite Kenyan city) and obtain a customs document like a carnet…

I have just ridden 7000 kilometres through four countries! When I left Kenya through Suam border some weeks ago I asked if I needed papers for the bike. “No,” said a bemused Customs man, “you can go…” So I did. At length, William, customs officer today, (…long experience, very important, been doing it a long time, official regulations, for my protection, penalty of ignoring the regulations etc etc…) told me my obligations, and how I was contravening the Kenyan law. I kept a straight face throughout, of course. I mean, I’ve passed through eight border checks in the last few weeks. As a concession to not keeping my log book there at the border, he made a photocopy and wrote over the form that he had retained a copy. This, of course, took time and a lot of smiling faces from me and prolific grovelling thanks for his help, boosting his status! Then it transpired that I had no entry stamp for Kenya in my passport. Well, I knew that, as I actually went back and asked the immigration officer last week when I came in from Tanzania if I didn’t need one. “No, you are done. You can go!” he assured me. So I did. More sweet talking to get round THAT one. Anyhow, I got an exit stamp for this border, so now the missing one won’t figure.

At last I rode through the pedestrian gate and bounced over the rutted pathway to Uganda. This is as remote and backwoods as Suam border was, just a few extra ‘jobsworths’ here. Over a dusty bridge across a stream and up to the Uganda post. Now with the correct papers this was to be easier.

“Your visa has expired!” said the immigration fellow. “Look, it is valid from the 10th December 2016 to the 9th March 2016.” And so it is! I’ve passed through all these borders with it and no one’s spotted the mistake made at Nairobi airport eleven weeks ago. Oh well, I only have to exit at the same airport – oh, and get back into Kenya, of course. But the mistake is easy enough to talk my way out of. I hope. If the rains stay light, I might go back through relaxed Suam border, where no one seems to care for bureaucracy.

Being ‘old’ is a great help when it comes to bullshitting. No one can believe that an ‘old’ man of 67 is riding a motorbike about rural Africa. “But you look YOUNG!” exclaimed William, the immigration officer as his face registered disbelief. “How do you stay so young?”

“By thinking young and being positive, plenty of exercise, eating sensibly and riding motorbikes round Africa!” said I, thinking of my late mother’s delight as she got older and people took her for 20 years younger than she was! I am a chip off that block, happily.

*

Into Uganda again, and still on a lousy, rutted dirt road winding through rural areas. It’s surprising how tiring fifty miles of this can be, for not only must I move about a lot, but I have to maintain concentration on the ‘road’ and many live, moving obstacles in front. At last I reached the tar road as a light shower passed, just enough for me to get out the waterproofs for fifteen minutes to pass through the busy town of Mbale, where I searched at length for a new spark plug some weeks ago. Then I was onto the road to Sipi, which is in the process of being rebuilt, with various stretches of gravel and bumpy diversions. At long, long last, six hours and 120 miles after leaving Kitale, I turned onto the track I know that leads to the edge of this cliff and Alex’s Coffeeland Resort. By now I was dusty and dry, tired and grubby. These were soon rectified by a wash from a jerrycan in the corrugated bathhouse, some glasses of water from another large yellow jerrycan, and a couple of bottles of Uganda beer. Alex is one of the best cooks that I have found on my journey, a natural instinct that I appreciate! Now I am sitting in my simple, rustic room with lights dimly winking in the vast valley below. Alex has been looking at my pictures and chatting in my room for a congenial hour and a half, drinking his evening tea while I finished my beer. Sometimes I just meet people whom I instinctively like and trust. Alex is one of those. He is smart, courteous and intelligent, good company.

“I wanted to study to be a doctor, but I am one of nine…” he tells me with an acceptance that this is just how things are in Africa, especially in Uganda with its ballooning birthrate and 6.8 children the average for every woman. “My father, he is 53 and still supporting the last boy through Primary Three. Imagine if he were to educate that boy to university, how old he will be!” Bear in mind that only 2% of Ugandans reach 65 years; 53 is already beyond the average life expectancy. Alex, you may remember from Day 43, is a Male Champion in the community here, working with the Reproductive Health Centre (the one whose meeting I had to address!) to attempt to encourage people in this, the world’s ‘youngest’ country by demographics, to reduce the number of births – and value girls equally.

So this bright, educated, forceful young man has to manage a rustic hotel of just a couple of rooms on the edge of a village cliff. He’d have been a good doctor. Africa desperately needs doctors. Instead it has this utterly crazy idea that making children is what is important; having large families proves your masculinity (never mind it kills the women so much younger) and leaving a family line is important. A family line that in generations to come will despise the vanity of these male attitudes so much when poverty and privation, lack of land and resources, water shortage and global warming, wars and conflicts, increasing crime and strife, disease and early death become even more the norm than they are now.

Funny how Uganda makes me so very pessimistic about the direction mankind has taken and the destructive road it seems doomed to follow…

*

After a short, sharp deluge that settled the dust and formed consequent rainbows, the night is now deep and calm. A vast array of stars and planets glitters above, and below there is a sense of the deep gulf below the virtually sheer cliff; of human habitation without electricity, merely the occasional glimmer from solar lights. Hundreds of feet below, in the morning those zinc roofed homes and banana-filled shambas will look like models, just the echoes of cockerels and the shouts of children animating the toy scenery, carried upward on the almost still air. Coffeeland Resort was worth the energy to come back.

DAY 84 THURSDAY 2nd MARCH 2017. SIPI, UGANDA

Alex makes such a good companion on a day like this and has been charming and congenial throughout. We have meandered the earth paths between all his neighbours’ shambas, dropping in to chat with many of them, sitting with some, joining in a band of ‘komek’ drinkers (local ‘beer’ made from maize and yeast) at an informal gathering beneath the bananas, lunching with a relative and co-volunteer of Alex’s and meeting and greeting dozens of people. That’s the sort of day I enjoy here in Africa, and it’s made especially pleasant in Uganda because I can communicate so readily with just about everyone.

“You know, the reason we use English as our main language, and share so much understanding with the British way of life is that Uganda was a protectorate. We were never colonised like the rest of Africa. So we have fond memories of the British as you came and left our culture for us. You see, we never had conflict with the colonials like so many other countries. Your people came and offered us education and we took it, but we weren’t colonised.” Maybe that is why I feel a bond with Uganda, and maybe if you are not overwhelmed by an outside coloniser, you keep your cultural identity and your national pride intact and, in my experience, a country with national pride is usually a stable country.

Komek is made from fermented maize and is pretty disgusting, a fibrous scummy brew with a slightly sour flavour. It’s mildly alcoholic thanks to the yeast and fermentation and is served in a gallon container sitting on some banana leaves on the floor. The grey scum on top bubbles and ‘works’ and occasionally the producer tops up the gummy container with warm water. Meanwhile, men sit around the bucket with long plastic pipes snaking into the mixture, through which they suck sieved liquid, thanks to a filter on the bottom end, from the communal pot. It looks extremely bizarre, to see these men in a circle, curling green plastic pipes descending into the soupy, scummy mix in an old paint container, sucking gently and intently while shaking the pipes to dislodge the fibrous muck that gathers about their personal filter. Alex doesn’t drink at all but – of course – I had to borrow a pipe and taste the frothy dregs! By then one of the drinkers had brought a polythene bag of natural honey from the forest – another suspicious mixture of honey and dead bee carcasses (very tasty!) – and added it to the evil, bubbling mix.

Well, I wouldn’t want to drink it very often, and certainly not in the couple of litre quantities in which these fellows imbibe, but it wasn’t as sinister as its ominous presentation in a scummy bucket with tubes snaking up to the drinkers’ mouths suggested it would be. For me, it would have been more palatable had it not been lukewarm. In fact, over ice it could almost have been rather good – but ice in rural Uganda, and this was certainly somewhat bucolic, is a predictable rarity. Even my bottled beer, as I write, hasn’t seen the inside of a fridge. Drinking through a plastic tube, or lukewarm bottled beer is as sophisticated as it gets, less than a degree from the Equator in Arcadian Africa!

*

One of the social aspects of Africa that never fails to impress me is that strangers are always welcomed unreservedly. Even amongst so much relative poverty, I am received warmly and must be presented with whatever people have, a glass of water, a mug of tea or, in today’s case, our hostess, a relative of Alex, must drop her work of plastering the base of her house with cow dung, mud and ash (‘women’s work’ that is repeated weekly on these earth houses), slopping the mixture with her hands onto the foundation of the walls, to produce matoke (a small, boiled savoury banana that serves as the base of most meals here at this season) and delicious stew of tomatoes and onion. Also in very African fashion, a large bowl of the same food was handed to the local madman, a slouching, tattered fellow with mental disability who had followed us into the compound. Much of rural Africa operates on this compassionate ‘there but for the grace of god’ principle and no beggar or even lunatic goes empty away.

*

I feel so sorry for Alex – one of millions of course – in his frustration at seeing his life passing without the wherewithal to achieve his ambitions or put his entrepreneurial ideas into reality. Given resources, people like him would go far and improve the lot of so many. But resources are just what’s missing in Uganda, with its vast, growing population and poverty. He tells me of his five years working in a busy hotel in Kampala, where he was feted for his customer skills – but cheated, as always, by the ‘businessman’ who ran the operation, undervalued and underpaid to the extent that he preferred to resign and take his – meagre – chances on his own out here in the sticks. Once again, here he has pennies to run this guest house that could, with investment, be a good success, using his personal charm and skills. I meet ‘Alexes’ throughout the continent, able, decent, honest, people with such integrity and personal skills – but no way to express or exploit them commercially. However hard he works, the scales are balanced against him. The world is essentially so unfair. Once again, I am so grateful to come, to witness, to understand (however superficially) – and to go back to my very privileged, easy, comfortable life. With, of course, a very different perspective that often makes the arrogant complacency of many of those about me in that life so difficult to stomach…

*

It’s delightful to be able to entertain so very many lovely children just by being here! All day small, shrill voices have called ‘Hellloooo how are yoooo?’ From amongst the banana trees, where waving children run excitedly about, some running to shake my hand with a polite curtsey, others running behind corners of their mud compounds, half afraid of the strange white-skinned man. Then there are adults, charming and smiling, joking with Alex and respectfully shaking my hand – an endless social nicety – and politely greeting us as we pass. No one, but no one, passes with the dropped eyes and apparent fear of strangers of my own land. In Africa courtesy is the default. It’s always difficult to get back to Britain, as I will in a week’s time. I smile at people in the street, greet them on the buses, and greet complete strangers. But only for a day or two until I realise I am overstepping the bounds of tight-arsed British sensitivity! Actually, that is one behavioural aspect in which Americans beat us hands down. They respond!

*

Alex, a host with great panache, just passed with a glass on a plate as if we are in the best hotel in Kampala. “Almost ready!” he says, and he’s such a good cook on his small charcoal fire in the tumbledown shed he uses for a kitchen. On the 25th of February a huge and sudden squally storm, that destroyed cement buildings (I’ve met three severely injured people today), and brought down power lines, also destroyed his thatched roof, wood kitchen. It will cost him £100 to replace it. How is it that someone so diligent and decent, even has the fickle weather working against him?

Observing him, squatting over a smoky fire in his temporary kitchen, a moment ago, I told him, “You know, Alex, of all the hotels I have stayed in in the past weeks, I have not had such personal attention as here at Coffeeland!”

“Oh, but you are like my own family now!”

There is untold warmth on this continent that I have been so privileged to discover. A text message from Rutoh, receptionist at the Brooke Hotel a few nights ago, reads: ‘I enjoyed your company so much here at the Brooke… You were like my dad… Many people have commented that we were friends and I thank them much.’

Africa is humbling and wonderful.

DAY 85 FRIDAY 3rd MARCH 2017. SIPI, UGANDA

We spent much of the day laughing at the good joke, appreciated by so many we passed, of the mzungu boda-boda, as Alex climbed on the back of the little Suzuki, cramped in by a huge branch of matoke bananas. We were riding down to see Precious. She’s not up here at Coffeeland at the moment, but in a small straggly town twenty miles away, down in the lowlands, where she and Alex have rented a tiny shop – as yet totally empty – to try to build another small business selling basic groceries to the people there. Entrepreneurial Alex is full of ideas and determination. “I am getting old! I am going to thirty years now. In Uganda if you don’t make things happen between thirty and forty five I think they won’t happen any other day!”

Talking with gentle Precious, I sensed that she had left the Coffeeland because of the jealousies surrounding her and Alex. It’s strange, but not uncommon, I suppose, that people resent those with ideas and ambitions who work hard to try to better their meagre lot in life. Precious comes from the other side of Uganda, from the far shores of Lake Bunyonyi, down below Kabale. They met in Kisoro, the last town I passed on the way to Rwanda some weeks back. It was the road from Kabale to Kisoro that I loved so much that I rode that way no less than five times. So now Alex runs the small, struggling resort and tries to develop his own plot along the track from here. He has a decent plot, which I estimate is perhaps half an acre, and a lot of plans to make a coffee bar, some sleeping huts and even a raised terrace area to use the view over the clifftop. He is full of ideas and desperately short of the resources to put them into practice – the old African story.

*

It’s getting time to leave East Africa. The rains are gathering and will soon make bike riding unpleasant and in places impossible. I’m going to wait for the morning to decide whether to ride that appalling track back to Suam border and Kitale, or the longer route south to the main highway border post and back up the other side. By Suam I have about 140 kilometres back to Kitale, by the highway – tar all the way is the advantage – perhaps nearer 300.

“Alex, my friend, I think we should take note of the weather!” I prompted him as we sat outside Precious’s empty shop/ kiosk. For heavy dark clouds were gathering and thunder rolled about. Neither of us had waterproofs and we had a twenty mile journey back up the curling road to the highlands. As it was, we had to shelter in a half-built church shack – a thing of sticks and zinc of some bizarre self-created sect and an acquisitive fake ‘pastor’ – for 45 minutes as the rain rattled on the zinc. Three urchins, their clothes the colour of the filthy red earth, sat with us, goggled eyed as usual at the mzungu in their midst. Other small children, spying the white man, called their customary ‘hello! How are yoooo?’ A white man in these small villages is a thing of wonder indeed. So odd in 2017.

*

There’s no place for vanity though! Visiting the market in the town up the hill of Kapchowa for Alex to buy vegetables for my supper, we were the centre of a lot of good willed humour from market ladies. “They are LAUGHING!” chuckled Alex. “They are saying, ‘Eh, your white man is OLD! They think it is wonderful!” And, of course, in a country in which less than two percent reach my age, I am indeed a wonder – and ‘old’ man with white hair riding a motorbike like a mzungu boda-boda, Alex laughing and waving to his friends from the pillion. He is popular and gregarious, and that rare thing, a man of great integrity. I’m happy we crossed paths in such a random manner and my instincts have proved so correct about him. I’m sure I will do my best to pay another visit next time I come to Kitale and renew a journey with my little blue bike.

He’s cooking up a meal of fresh vegetables as I write. It’s like having a personal cook! For a bit over a pound we bought various vegetables that filled my bag: a big cabbage for 25 pence, a bunch of some spinach-like greens, a large bundle of something akin to spring greens and a bag of tomatoes. And for another 25 pence, about ten passion fruits. I am having to write quickly tonight as the power has been off for 24 hours and I have been unable to charge my iPad. But the benefit of the power outage was when I emerged for a pee in the night and looked up in the utter darkness, without light pollution, and saw the incredible field of stars stretched across the entire sky from our vantage point up her on the clifftop, with only a few distant, dim lights winking in the unseen void of the vast valley below that seems to reach half across Uganda. Worth a power cut.

So, for now, tomorrow’s ride will be my last day ‘on the road’ as I head back home to Kitale and get ready for the journey back to that other world that so oddly coexists with this African one, this forgotten, ignored and so misrepresented continent.

STOP PRESS: I rode back via the filthy, dusty Suam border. What a great ride fory last one! Glorious sunny day and terrific senery and 100kms of trail riding!

I’ll come to the internet cafe on Monday and try to upload some pictures…